Viewing Volume 10 Issue 1 Spring 2007
Social Support and Grief
Our late but sorely missed initial patron of our charity Professor Jack Morgan always referred to the social support we give to the bereaved as being a reflection of humanity.
The Latin root of the word ‘support’ implies ‘to carry from below’. The meaning is clear when we refer to physical support as in “the desk supports my weight” or “the roof is supported by the beams in the ceiling”. However, the idea of being carried from below is a good analogy for psychosocial support. For most of our lives others carry us, individually or by the community or culture in which we live as a whole. “Care is a synonym for social support”. Silverman, tells us that care or social support entails feedback, continuity and connection; that the support must be consciously given, in order to provide a movement from what was to what is yet to be, and the recognition that the person receiving the support is part of the community that is giving support.
Essentially, social support is the conscious affirmation of the person as s/he does what ever they need to do to learn new coping skills for their new life situation. Jaco (2001) states that “social support can be viewed as providing an experience that validates the worth of the person and offers them a caring presence when they are troubled”. Whatever else it might be, as author’s attest, social support is being there with the person in need.
Social support must be consciously given and consciously received, that is the person receiving the support must have the awareness that the person or community giving the support is doing so for the sake of giving support and not for some other sake, (Gough, 2000).
Empathy means creating an atmosphere in which the person in distress is free to ask for what is needed. Speaking of children, Phyllis Silverman says “Our openness will affect the questions they ask, the kind of answers they can accept, and the very nature of the dialogue. In creating this atmosphere we try to provide our children with tools that promote their ability to cope and adapt positively to the vicissitudes of life, (Silverman, 2000). The benefit is not limited to children. Or rather, the benefit of empathy speaks to the child within all of us.
When social support is absent research is fairly clear, grieving persons need others either in the informal support offered by family and friends or in formal settings such as hospitals, mortuaries and funeral directors. “There was a significant positive relationship between the availability of social support and health: Individuals who had a great number of supportive relationships suffered fewer depressive symptoms and somatic complaints than those with less social support but had similar effects on married and widowed individuals” ( Stroebe & Stroebe, 1999 ). Dependency needs are so closely correlated with safety needs that individuals who lost the one on whom they depended are vulnerable to excessive anxiety and worry simply because they are deprived of the strong, reliable support they once had, (Sanders, 1999).
Bereavement support is an integral component of a holistic framework of palliative care and is a complex and sensitive process. It is recognised that bereavement support exists within our mission statement: “A network of individuals, groups and organisations who, through the exchange of ideas, resources and energy are dedicated to helping the bereaved and the dying”. The dying person, family and carers exist within a community of care, which has many multidisciplinary elements – friends, care staff, G.P’s, health workers, religious and spiritual connections and funeral directors.
There are normal processes associated with grief and loss, both before and after death. Support and counselling is available to ameliorate the stress of grief not to ‘fix’ grief or force its natural course or process. Although bereavement support generally refers to post death activities it is acknowledged that the influence of pre death care and communication is crucial where possible to bereavement outcomes. The pain of bereavement is a core human experience.
The bereavement field has traditionally focused attention on what has been lost or on the pain of missing what has now gone. The field had delineated stages and processes and tasks to describe how grief should manifest. This focus has guided clinicians and often lay thinking, to think about surviving as living with a rigid trajectory of grief. The danger is the risk of promoting iatrogenic harm by entrenching a person in stories of loss as they dwell on their emotions like sadness, anger, and denial for a period of time, in prescribed ways. These beliefs can consequently act as unnecessary beacons that permeate the culture and evaluate those that mourn differently from others as abnormal. The psychological models that foster this way of thinking assume that if we face our pain and indulge our emotions, we will prevail and move forward to a better place – a place adjusted to life without our loved one, (Bowlby, 1980; Tatelbaum, 1980; Parkes, 1972; Worden, 1991). Recent shifts in thanatological beliefs offer challenges to previously understood meanings about death and grief. When a person dies, we don’t have to assume that their relationship dies. The deceased can continue to be thought of as a spouse, parent, son or daughter. There are no endings to these relationships except those that we arbitrarily create. The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement (Stroebe & Schut, 1999) is a suggested framework for understanding the uniqueness of the experience of grief and grieving. This model suggests two types of stresses, those related directly to the loss of the significant person, him/herself (loss orientation), and those related to secondary changes, such as change in roles and identity, that come as about as a result of the death (restoration orientation). A regulatory process of confrontation and avoidance of these dual stresses is posed as critical to the process of coming to terms with loss, (oscillation). The focus of our support is not to help the bereaved find closure, but to facilitate their changing relationship to the deceased. While they cannot live in the past, the past is part of who they are that stays with them forever.
By:A. E. Trinder-Brook. CT
MABF Spring Courses.
Introduction to Bereavement Counselling Skills.
February 7th, 14th & 21st 2007
Helping Young People Cope with Loss & Change Skills.
These three day courses are ‘Awarding Body Consortium’ validated. They are designed to be experiential, and utilise a range of theories, models and current evidenced based practice.
The cost of each three day course is £198-00 including validation.
By:AT
DIARY DATES
Members Meetings.
AGM 22nd May 2007
7th August 2007
6th November 2007
6.30 pm for 7 pm
At the Droylsden Office.
By:SFB
ANNUAL CONFERENCE
‘Growing Up With Grief’
Thursday 6th September 2007
At
Hough End Centre,
Mauldeth Road West,
Chorlton –cum—Hardy,
Manchester
Speakers for the day include:
Prof. Phyllis R. Silverman
Rev’d Prof. Stephen Wright.
Dr. David Trickey
Richard Rose.
Tamar Granot.
The Conference will be Chaired by:
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Conference Price:
MABF Member 2006 £150
Non members £195
New Members 2007 £175
All delegates after 3rd Aug £225
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For information and booking please contact
The Grief Centre –MABF
Tel: 0161-371-8860
or
grief@ mabf.org.uk
By:SFB