Viewing Volume 9 Issue 3 Autumn 2006
THE ABSENCE OF THEIR PRESENCE 9/11
It is the 5th anniversary of 9/11, as I stand at the edge of Ground Zero in New York, I feel cold because at this hour of the day the sun shines on the vast hole known as ‘the pit’. Reporters weave in and out of crowds pretending to be respectful, but still manage to push a mike into someone’s absent face. Present in this crowd are relatives and friends of those who perished and then there are those who just want to ‘be there’ as I do.
As 08.46 approaches a strange shift takes place as relatives and friends of those who died, usually clutching flowers or mementoes, shuffle forward to the guard rails, and we in turn shuffle back to give them space and time. At 08.46 the time (the time the first plane hit the tower) a whistle is blown and everybody is silent except the traffic in New York. The silence is deafening and I can and I can nearly hear tears running down cheeks, as they gaze into the pit, and then look up, and then down and look up again into the beautiful sky. Numbness prevails as these significant moments are remembered. Again, at 09.05 and later when each tower fell.
I was last here on the first anniversary and I felt humbled and proud to be here then as I do now. I want to pay my respects to those who lost their lives and do what little I could to help those left to carry on with such an unimaginable loss. The sense of loss here is indescribable; the essence of this place is now a part of me.
I keep thinking about what happened here, I think of my family and friends and girlfriend. I think of my friend Mike Zeller who was a detective in the N.Y.P.D., now assigned to the justice department and F.B.I. I remember how I felt when he didn’t answer my calls and e-mails after the atrocity. I didn’t know for 2 weeks if he was alive, all the time he was working hard to clear the aftermath and the horrific scenes that he shared with me on my last visit. I think of my friend Arlene that I also met on my first visit. I interviewed her. She is in charge of A.D.E.C. in New York (Association of Death Education and Counselling). She actually saw the second plane hit the tower and when we met up on this visit she spoke to me about it again, getting upset as she did years ago. She said she and two thirds of New Yorker’s are still suffering from some degree of posttraumatic stress.
During the silence at Ground Zero I saw a child about 8 years of age with his mother. He was holding an American flag, and wearing a FDNY coat, that looked like it was his dads, far too big for him and far too heavy. His dark face glowed with pride as he turned and he smiled at me and tears ran down his young face. He was part of the crowd, yet he seemed so alone. He smiled at me as if he felt he had to, his painted on smile saddened me further as I tried to comprehend his thoughts and feelings but knew I could barely scratch the surface. I left him alone in his time of grief but still watched him closely. I respected his privacy, but he knew I was there. No words were needed, he just kept smiling at me and I acknowledged his smile. We were both there for different reasons but we shared something unique. The tannoy was relentless as the names of those people who died were read out. I remember thinking as I looked in the Pit, not much has changed since I was last here in 2002, just a hole, which now is making a lot of people here angry.
I was transfixed in my own world of thoughts of all the footage I had watched, all the bravery, and all the carnage. The stories I had listened to on my last visit here. The stories I had listened to on my last visit here. The NYPD and FDNY and a priest, who also worked in the makeshift mortuary. I remembered his story with detail. I remember my diary; I wrote this four years ago and still when I read it I get upset. I was unable to write about my visit for a nursing magazine that wanted to publish it. I remember fondly being the guest of honour and the police anniversary service with Mike. Mixing with the film stars and Mr & Mrs Clinton after they gave out awards, being introduced as the guy from England come to help us. I remember the way the emergency services treated me as I listened to their stories, they thanked me and called me ‘bro’ (short for brother). They had a unique bond, a bond I have never witnessed such a bond as the people of New York and the emergency services posses. This bond I feel will help them move forward after these events.
I am here on this visit to New York with my daughter Erika. We are going shopping this afternoon! She has been such a support during this trip and keeps me in perspective, for that I am truly grateful. She is on a buzz this week it is her first visit and we have shared highs and lows this week.
As my headaches from all these thoughts, and remaining in the shade I still feel a chill, the young boy again turns round to smile at me and then turns back. I move forward in the crowd and put my arm around his shoulder, again he looks up and somehow smiles, though his face is wet. I told him that I and many others are thinking about him and his family and the people of New York and America. We shake hands, his hand was small and cold, yet warm as he said thank you in a way I will never forget.
As I walk around Ground Zero the roll call of names continues and I walk into the sun, the sky is so blue and it’s hot, just like it was 5 years ago they say. Next to Ground Zero is Ladder 10 Company. The firemen line the street, so smart in their uniform and they salute their comrades. I have to give in to the atmosphere here and I begin to cry. I see firemen meeting old friends, hugging, strong men trying to hold it together, indeed as does the nation.
Only hours after my arrival home from America I have to go to Manchester for the annual Bereavement Conference of the Manchester Bereavement Forum (MABF). The subject is “Mind Matters”. I give some feedback to the conference and New York is a long way away but the people are always close in my heart, as are events of September 11th 2001. I remember thinking that peoples “minds matter” and we carry on our work supporting them. Next to Ground Zero is “Trinity place” which seems ironic and a reminder of where I work and what we all do, as they now say in New York “Remember, Rebuild and Renew”.
Take care and be safe.
By:Eric Norbury
MABF Spring Courses.
Introduction to Bereavement Counselling Skills.
7th, 14th & 21st February 2007.
Helping Young People Cope with Loss & Change Skills
March 21st, 28th & April 4th 2007.
These three day courses are ‘Awarding Body Consortium’ validated. They are designed to be experiential, and utilise a range of theories, models and current evidenced based practice.
The cost of each three day course is £198-00 including validation.
By:SFB
DIARY DATES
Members Meetings.
6th February 2007
22nd May 2007
7th August 2007
6th November 2007
6.30 pm for 7 pm
At the Droylsden Office.
By:AT
ANNUAL CONFERENCE
‘Growing Up With Grief’
Thursday 6th September 2007
At
Hough End Centre,
Mauldeth Road West,
Chorlton –cum—Hardy,
Manchester
Speakers for the day include:
Prof. Phyllis R. Silverman
Rev’d Prof. Stephen Wright.
Dr. David Trickey
Richard Rose.
Tamar Granot.
The Conference will be Chaired by:
Brenda Mallon (Vice Chair MABF)
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Conference Price:
MABF Member 2006 £150
Non members £195
New Members 2007 £175
All delegates after 3rd Aug £225
For information and booking please contact
The Grief Centre –MABF
Tel: 0161-371-8860
or
grief@ mabf.org.uk
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