Viewing Volume 9 Issue 1 Spring 2006
LIVING WITH LOSS AND GRIEF.
We do not need to have lived long before we experience loss. For example, as children we might have lost a special toy; we might have lost friends when we moved from one school to another; a favourite et might have died, and we felt these as great losses. Sometimes the loss is only a little one, but sometimes it is more important and makes us sad or unhappy.
For many of us there comes a time when we experience a very big loss – the loss of one of our family who dies. This kind of loss is known as bereavement, and if one of our family dies, we are bereaved. When someone very close to us dies and we feel sadness and unhappiness - that feeling is called grief.
The sadness of grief can be like a pain inside us. But grief does not last forever. The way in which we feel about our loss changes as time moves on. The process by which we express our grief is called mourning. When we are mourning we might have many different feelings – we might feel numbness, shock, pain, sadness or guilt. There is usually a kind of pattern to how we feel.
Grieving involves letting go of the identity we had with someone or something we love and rebuilding another identity without them/it. The sooner we learn to grieve the sooner we can begin to enjoy the life we still have. If we shut out painful feelings we generally shut out good ones too.
Grieving involves letting go of the identity we had with someone or something we love and rebuilding another identity without them/it. The sooner we learn to grieve the sooner we can begin to enjoy the life we still have. If we shut out painful feelings we generally shut out good ones too.
We all face changes throughout life. These can be positive or negative, wanted or unwanted, anticipated or unexpected. Humans are social animals and the making of bonds helps group cohesion. Whenever significant bonds are broken then we may experience a grief reaction, the level of which depends on the context and the significance of the loss. Grieving relates to the experience of loss in general, death being only one part.
The death of someone significant to you is one of the hardest things you will experience in your life. Whether it is expected or a shock, the enormity of loss is something that impacts on you in a profound way.
Bereavement is an entirely individual experience. No one can tell you how you will or should feel. Everyone grieves in their own special way but there are some generally accepted and recognised responses.
The numbers of children bereaved by death of a parent, sibling or grandparent are said to be around 17,500 per annum (NCB stats 2004), that is \ child every half-hour in the U.K. In the U.K. the rising suicide rate is currently the highest here in the North West amongst men aged 24 – 44 @ 21.8% 100,000 population, men in this age group may well be fathers of young children. (ONS 2000). For many diseases incidences of higher death rates in social class 4 & 5 suggest that it is those children in deprived social situations that will be in most need of bereavement interventions.
Children’s development stages and each stage’s associations with thoughts about death and bereavement have been well described, (Black, 1998 Silverman, 2000) By the time they start primary school most children can understand the difference between temporary separation and death. However, ‘magical thinking’, the child’s ability to think that their own thoughts or behaviour have caused another’s death, may continue and lead to emotional and behavioural difficulties.
Communications with children about death and bereavement is recognised by clinicians as important although limited interaction by physicians with surviving children occurs after the death of a sibling, (De Maso, 1997). Family members may say nothing to children about death for fear of saying the wrong thing, (Heikes, 1997). Even before expected deaths of a parent, inadequate discussion about the seriousness and probable outcome of a parents illness tends to be avoided and this adversely impacts on the child’s adjustment to the loss (Bowlby, 1980).
Social support often provides a buffering effect in stressful situations, (Grey, 1989). However, there is an increasing trend both in incidence and severity of juvenile violence and selfharm. 82% of Young Offenders Institutes inmates have experienced a significant loss, (Youth Justice Trust, 2002). A general decline in religious observance and the tendency to smaller, more dispersed families are a growing trend. This suggests that the modern social environment may not be able to ‘buffer’ bereavement responses but rather magnify the distress felt by children.
The impact of changes in family life and the wider social environment following a death influence the way children feel able to express grief, yet childhood bereavement is an area that is poorly understood within the provision of most health services. Family functioning before and after loss may compound existing problems and hinder solutions for the resolution of a child’s grief.
By:A.T.
Courses with ‘The Grief Centre’ - MABF
“Introduction to Bereavement Counselling Skills”
Wednesdays, 8th, 15th & 22nd November 2006.
3 full days course - ABC validated course.
£198 per student including Certificate
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“Helping Young People Cope with Loss & Change”
Wednesdays 18th, 25th October & 1st November 2006.
3 full days course - ABC validated course.
£198 per student including Certificate
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These courses with be held at The Grief Centre - MABF,
362 Manchester Road, Droylsden. M42 6QX.
9.00am to 4.00 pm
For further information please contact: 0161 371 8860
Or via e-mail: grief@mabf.org.uk
By:SFB
ANNUAL CONFERENCE
Thursday14th September 2006
‘Mind Matters’
at
Hough End Centre,
Mauldeth Road WestChorlton – cum – Hardy
Manchester
Speakers for the day include:
Ted Bowman.
Dr. Marion Gibson.
Dr. Sue Read.
Gill Raynor.
Dorothy Piper.
Shelley Gilbert
The Conference will be Chaired by:
Brenda Mallon (Vice Chair MABF)
Conference Price:
MABF Member 2005 £150
Non members £195
New Members 2006 £175
All delegates after 31st July £225
By:
For information and booking please contact
Tel: 0161-371-8860
Diary Dates.
Members Meetings,
Tuesday 9th November 2006
Tuesday 6th February 2007
6.30pm for 7pm.
At the Droylsden Office.
By: